she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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