double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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