Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
