Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize