in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
