i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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