we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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