I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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