I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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