I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
