i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
