dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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