I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
