there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
