omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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