Do you still have your period?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize