wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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