Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
