Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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