Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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