OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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