i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm at about main and main street
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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