Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
