Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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