So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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