I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
