I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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