can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
