i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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