How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Where is the hickey?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
