just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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