My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
