I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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