I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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