Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
