idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
