I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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