i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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