Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
