Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize