dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
