The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
