dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i think i just lost a toe
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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