Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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