I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Your cock deserves a montage
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
