i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
