pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
