The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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