i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
