I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
