I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's blow job season.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
