You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
