I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
