she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
