The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
