Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize