No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
