Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
