I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
