I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize