Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
