i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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