I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
