he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
