Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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