just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
