...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I need moral support for this bender
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
