Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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