I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
