This girl is more easily done than said...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
