I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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