Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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