Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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