Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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