Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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