My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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