I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
