I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
