I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
