I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She said her name was "party"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
