i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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