And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
